While this is primarily a blog about knitting, grief and loss have popped up as a recurring theme. In the time I've had this blog, I've lost a friend, a grandparent, a parent, multiple pets, zoo animals, and even a fiber festival. We all deal with loss in our own way. The important thing is to deal with it. Figure out what works for you. Then do that. In that sense, grieving is as individual as we are. It reveals who we are, too.
Some cultures have a tradition of setting a time limit or completing a ritual.
You grieve for a certain number of days or months or you do a thing. Then
you declare yourself done.
More and more, I find I need activity when I am unhappy. If I am upset, I go for a walk or pace up and down my cul-de-sac or spend a whole day doing active household chores. If I am anxious, I need to fix something or craft something. I am a do-er. I deal with my emotions by doing.
Thus, after my mother died, I decided to make a grief blanket.
I've already posted previously about this project. I was cleaning up my studio space in December 2022 and decided the best way to deal with the pile of big orange yarn was to turn it into something. Otherwise, it took up too much precious space in stash storage. This is how I declutter. I did a lot of
swatching. This being me, I came up with multiple ideas and, of course, picked the
complicated one. And following the tradition of how I work, this project was
cast-on, frogged, and reworked more than once. Most of my self-designed
projects are cast on three times. No matter how I swatch or what I do, I
always seem to need to cast on three times. It's fairy tale magic.
I thought I was close to finishing this project at Kanuga back in January 2024. By that point, it was so big I was hauling it around in my folding wagon. But then I realized I wasn't playing yarn chicken. Don't ask me how I got off on the measurements. I know I made squares and weighed them and checked yarn usage. The math was simple. But somehow I miscalculated what the largest size of blanket was that I might make. I frogged ¾ths of a blanket so I could re-knit it bigger. It sat for months. Then in October, I restarted.
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| In progress. Notice Ozymandias, at left, inspecting the yarn supply. |
With Lun Lun and Yang Yang going back to Chengdu, I needed a grief project.
This fit right in. Plus, there's a reason All Souls Day/Day of the
Dead are in autumn. Through the month of October, I knit like a maniac. I
started the project on the 7th and finished on the 31st. As I worked with the
giant yarn and big needles, I meditated on my grief and worked through it. Plus, working on a giant orange blanket seemed almost too-appropriate for an October project.
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| International Blanket Appreciation Society, Mableton Chapter, in action. |
I still ended up with some leftover yarn, but overall I'm happy with this
project. The blanket is over 4400 grams of yarn, which is more than 9½ pounds!
It is a weighted blanket even without weights! Right now, it has taken over the couch. With a 50% alpaca/50% wool blend, this
blanket is warm when you sit on it and even warmer if you curl up under it.
Ozymandias and Ramses agree!
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